Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
