Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
