There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
