Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
