Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
