Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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