I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm like, not good at living.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?