fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.