I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I checked into jail on foursquare
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.