you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
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Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve