guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle