oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
did you just send me my own nude
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
