just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog