There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
