Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
