I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
