bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
