once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
