I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
