nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
