no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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