My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
