just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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