hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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