Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize