I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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