Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
