My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
