So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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