atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
