Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
wow bdsm is so cute
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
