TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.