Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
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He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason