If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...