Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
