i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!