woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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