i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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