do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
