is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
