When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
