clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
