That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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