I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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