tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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