im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
