Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
