I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Non-Jews are for practice
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
