How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
