I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
