i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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