How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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