i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
