3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
