I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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