I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
