I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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