I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
