I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
