so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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