do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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