You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
