You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
