I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
