sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
