GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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