Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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