Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
