The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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