Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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