Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
