I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
