New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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