Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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