I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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