Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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