Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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