I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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