I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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