YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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