They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
