If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
