just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
