If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
