Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
