Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
