I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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