I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
