hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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