No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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