i wish my penis had a tongue
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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