And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
