it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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